By semi-popular request;

Fast food etiquette!

It's pretty simple, really--all it comes down to is 'don't be an ass.' There are a lot of things which people think are totally unacceptable that don't piss off fast food workers at all. We don't mind, for instance, if you fumble around with your wallet (unless you've yelled at us to hurry up, or been an impatient git, or been snarly with us along the lines of "Don't you DARE shortchange ME!")

If you're in a crazy hurry, you should not show up when there's a line of thirty-odd people in front of you. It's not at all uncommon for us to take five or so orders at a time and then go fill them all at once during busy periods, so you could well be delayed for ten minutes or so. Don't throw a hissyfit because you thought we would somehow be able to get to you in under a minute. If you must cancel your order, go ahead (though if you think you might have to cancel your order, it's preferable that you withold payment until it's delivered--if you pay before it arrives, we have to have a manger come to clear the order and give you your money back. If you don't, we can zero it ourselves.)

Don't try to grab your food before you've paid. We'll think you're trying to steal from us. Also, at least twice a day, people did this to me and then looked in the bag and bitched because it wasn't their food. If they'd waited for me to get their meal paid for and hand them the bag instead of snatching it like a greedy two-year-old, they wouldn't have an issue.

One that might be slightly specific to my store, or at least stores with similar locales (i.e. located in or near a major transit centre--railway stations, popular bus stops, etc.) but if you're catching a train or whatever, and you plan to get some food before you go, don't arrive a minute before the train is due to leave. I think this is just common sense, firstly because waiting an extra half-hour to get some food probably isn't as big a deal as waiting an extra half-hour to get the next train is, and secondly because the ticketees on the trains in my city will confiscate your food if you're caught eating on the train. This is common knowledge. In fact, quite frequently, I get people coming to my register who tell me "I was eating (insert healthy food here) on the train, but the ticketees took it and this is the closest store..." It works both ways. I honestly don't care if you eat on the train or whatever, it's not my problem, but giving yourself time to eat before you get on board is probably the best way to save time in the long run.

Another big no-no that relates to that; don't say "I want a large X meal with a Y for the drink, and I'm IN A HURRY, so make it FAST! Oh, and I'll have an A, a B, a large C, and three Ds," where A, B, C, and D are all known to be relatively complex, time-consuming items. That just pisses us off. As if that weren't bad enough, the same people who do that are also the people who are inclined to throw a tantrum if their very large order isn't made in under a minute, or if we serve other people while we wait for the guys out back to make it up. Note: complex items include burgers with vegetables other than pickles and onions; anything with the word 'deli' in the name; anything started to be a 'healthy choice'; anything that is referred to as a 'wrap' (i.e. comes wrapped in a tortilla or similar); any burger that you want changed, e.g., adding extra cheese or taking the onions off your burger. We don't mind you ordering any of these. That's not a problem. You're also well within your rights to ask for something to be taken off your burger--actually wait, that reminds me of something.

ASK. I know we say things like "Can I take your order" but that doesn't mean we're now your willing slaves. You ASK for your food, and you ask NICELY. Keeping your cool helps the poor server at the register to keep their cool, and an unflustered server is more likely to get your meal out quickly. First, because when we're flustered we make mistakes, like giving you Fanta instead of Coke or whatever. Second, because being nice to a server makes them like you and appreciate your ongoing patronage. If you're in a hurry, and you're polite, we won't mind if you ask us if there's anything we can do to get your meal out quicker--we'll be happy to poke our head in the kitchen and ask for your burger to be bumped to the top of the pile. But if you're rude to us, or snap at us for being slow, or whatever... we're going to stop giving a shit about you getting to your very important appointment on time and be very, very busy looking after the next person in line. If you are rude to your server during rush hour, you could be standing there for quite some time.

Anyway, back to before. We don't mind you asking for us to take pickles off your burger, or use the larger chopped onions instead of the diced onions, or whatver. We don't care if you order a ton of lettuce-tomato-deli-healthy-choice-wraps with no mayonaise. That's all cool, it's your right as a customer (unless the store, for whatever reason, has a no-substitutions policy--then just take what you're given with good grace, or else go to a different outlet.) But it will take time. If you just order one popular item, like a cheeseburger, and especially if you order them in rush hour, the guys in the kitchen will be prepared. They can slap together a cheeseburger in under a minute, and they usually take the time to make a buffer of five or so of each of the most popular items on the menu as rush hour starts. We can grab a fresh, hot cheeseburger for you straight off. If you order a cheeseburger with extra cheese, it goes to the back of the line, which might be twelve orders or more long. (Four registers operating, with three customers served at a time, each order taking on average a minute to fill.) Just be patient. It will get there. It is extremely rare for us to lose a special order. Don't yell at me because it isn't pre-made.

The people at the front counter cannot change your order once you've paid for it. Nor can they give you refunds. Ask to see a manager if you need a refund or a replaced burger because yours was fucked up somehow (and don't lambast the staff while you're talking to them--not only will it piss them off and your refund/replacement will take forever, it won't actually effect anything the staff member you're bitching about does, either, because they'll think you're just a hard-to-please asshat. Which, for about 80% of the people who ask for replaced/refunded food items, is true.)

Also, if the breakast menu isn't posted somewhere when you arrive, that means we're not serving it any more. Order something for the regular menu, or get the fuck out.

You see? It really does boil down to 'don't be an ass.'